Alice: Madness Returns

Alice: Madness Returns tells the story of Alice returning to Wonderland, and by association, returning to Madness. See how that works? Me too. Chances are at some point you have probably heard of this mystical place. Maybe you’ve even rode the teacups at Disneyland or smoked an illicit, foreign substance out of a pipe with a giant caterpillar. Well, this game is like if you did both of those things together, for several hours, and then ate the caterpillar.

Well prepare to celebrate your/her unbirthday for 364 days out of the year. Actually don’t, because the unbirthday in this world is probably both sick and twisted. I don’t want to get into it but anything revolving around the word “unbirth” in this game is going to be disgusting. And there’s probably not even cake. Do you remember American McGee? I don’t. What happened to that guy? I guess it was that game Bad Day L.A. Too bad. They didn’t even let him put his name on this game. That’s totally his thing! Also he designed levels in Doom II? What! That’s the best game out of the series and it’s not even close.

Anyways, you’re familiar with the way Wonderland works. Well it works the same in this game. Drink stuff and get tiny or get huge and float with your dress. Also, stab people, a lot. The game adopts a pretty animated graphical style that is surprisingly faithful to the cartoon. Not shown: copious amounts of blood after Alice attempts to eat the still-singing flowers.

It’s hedge clippin’ time

Well, if you like Alice and/or Wonderland and/or American McGee this is probably a good game for you. The game takes around 18 hours to complete, which at $4.99 is a pretty good deal. It’s not quite the sweet spot of entertainment to time commitment ratio that I’m looking for but it’s certainly not a bad thing either. It’s current price is a little on the steep side…so you could go either way…but let’s just say verdict: Buy It.

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