Car Mechanic Simulator 2014

Oh boy, here we go again. Back in my day, simulations meant  you could be something cool, like an ant. Maybe you could get lucky, and even get to DRIVE a car. The most difficult thing you had to worry about in Road Rash (aka a badass sim) was whether or not you wanted new shocks or a straight up new bike. But here we are, a racing game without the racing. Once again.

You know what I would rather play than this game? Hangover Simulator 2014. It makes you feel like you really spent all night drinking Malibu Pineapples only you didn’t. You didn’t get to go to a fun party or a cool bar, no, you just have to live with the repercussions. All you have is the text messages from your girlfriend asking you how you could call her that, only you don’t remember what you called her. Have fun digging yourself out of that mess. That’s what this game is. Sure, build yourself a cool (lame) car. Kind of. And then let it sit there. Unscrew bolts! Get quoted wildly different repair costs from three different mechanics all over town!

I’ll tell you what I don’t want simulated. My annual trip to the mechanic. I pull the car in the driveway and there he is, smoking a cigarette next to an open drum of something highly flammable. It’s like the exploding barrels in every video game ever, only IRL. Well at least I know I’m in good hands!

This is actually surprisingly accurate

Worst possible simulations:

1. Tax Man Simulator 2014
2. Prison Shower Simulator 2014
3. Dentist Simulator 1356
4. Kidney Stone Simulator 2014
5. Mechanic Simulator 2014

Mechanic Simulator 2014 is currently on sale at 50% off for $9.99. And I cannot recommend it. You are better off getting one of those little firetrucks for kids that you can take the hood off of and pretend to work on. Verdict: Skip it.

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