Ironclads: Chincha Islands War 1866

You might be asking yourself a few questions right now, like “What’s an Ironclad?” and “Where are the Chincha Islands?” Well I am here to answer those questions for you as easily as possible. Don’t you dare touch that wikipedia toolbar bookmark. An Ironclad, according to a few games of Civ IV that I played, is a totally useless metal ship made of some kind of metal. Most likely iron. It was slow as hell but it destroyed wooden ships back in the day. As long as they were within one tile of the shore of course, because they apparently couldn’t travel very far. Trust me, skip the ironclad and just wait a few years and buy destroyers instead.

As far as the Chincha Islands go, well they are off the coast of South America, specifically Chile and Peru. Spain wanted them very badly, and Chile and Peru were colonized by Spain. Why did they want them so badly, though? Well, the islands were rich with poop. They called this poop guano. Spain really wanted the poop because it was expensive back in the day because I guess it was good at burning or something, I don’t really know. The point is people were upset, like they always are, and the dispute needed to be settled by ironclad.

This picture is more exciting than the game

This game is a simulation. A simulation of what naval warfare really would have been like in 1866, which is to say it is very boring. This game is straight up awful. There is literally nothing good about it. It is shittier than the guano that the ironclads are fighting over. And that’s pretty shitty because it is literally bird poop. The screenshot implies something cool is about to happen. I assure you, something cool is not about to happen. Even the sky and the ocean are the same exact color you can’t even tell if you are sailing or flying.

Seriously screw this game. Ironclads: Chincha Islands War 1866 is currently 80% off and it is $1.99. This is way to much money. Verdict: Skip it.

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