Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs

Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs will have you wishing that you lost your mind after you play it. At least, that’s what they want you to think. It’s definitely pretty scary depending on how you feel about dead pigs. True to the game’s title, there are a lot of dead pigs in this game, in various states of decay. Some of them are crucified. Or maybe that was a dream. I’m not sure, but seriously, dead pigs abound. Kind of like putting bacon on top of a pork chop sandwich. You at least get to carry a flashlight with you the whole game and lots of people are upset about this because they make it too bright. I get scared so easily in video games that this is probably a good thing.

So most of the game takes place inside of a Wienerschnitzel in 1899. You play a grizzled employee who must get to the bottom of a series of food sickness complaints coming from the patrons. Unfortunately, there are earthquakes and smoke and dark shadows abound that stand in your way. Or something like that. This game does claim to have “The darkest, most horrific tale ever told in a videogame.” This is untrue. Everybody knows Chex Quest has the darkest, most horrific tale ever told in a video game. If only it was made by the same people that made the original Amnesia. But that seems to be pretty par for the course these days. I don’t want to live in a world where Obsidian doesn’t make the next Fallout game, but I’m going to have to.

Not Pictured: Ketchup and Mustard

This game is pretty OK. It’s definitely not bad, but it’s not that great either. Unless you’re really into horror games there just isn’t that much substance here. It’s purposefully minimalistic, but with no inventory to worry about there really isn’t much to worry about. Aside from the story, that is. Amesia: A Machine for Pigs is currently on sale at 66% off for $6.79. If it was half the price it’d probably be worth it. But for now just get yourself a BLT instead. Verdict: Skip it.

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