Drunken Robot Pornography

Dwarven Robot Pornography! Talk about a nitch market. You can find anything on the internet these days. Ahem.

I know what you’re thinking. Because I already thought it, and I will continue to think it. Drunken Robot Pornography! As a Drunk Robot, this should be the perfect game. I’m a little afraid of what will come up if I look up Steamy Drunken Robot Pornography in Google Images with the safe search turned off…and by scared I mean cautiously optimistic. But enough about that. Grab your oil cans folks, because it’s gonna be a squeaky ride. And be generous, a little bit might go a long way but the more the merrier.

Drunken Robot Pornography is brought to us from those crazy cats at Dejobaan Games. They made that game AAAaaaAaAAaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! A Reckless Disregard for Gravity. That game was awesome, you basically just fell really fast while trying to make it through hoops while simultaneously kissing the wall. There was also a good amount of flippin’ the ol’ bird at passerby. But for it’s crude jokes, the humor was quirky enough that it worked. It’s a shame that not enough people supported the devs so that now they’ve been forced to resort to pandering to a wider audience- the porn-starved, horny, bored masses that whittle away the minutes of the day playing adult games. Quite frankly it’s disgusting, and therefore, erotic.

At least there is a story which is more than can be said for a lot of erotic games (I’m looking at you, Mass Effect). But anyways, the game is played like a First Person Shooter in Bullet Hell. Bullet Hell being the place all your quarters used to go at the arcade when you ran out of smart bombs. You can only hide in the corner for so long before one of those pesky glowing circles gets your jet and then you have to go check all the other cabinet change coin slots trying to find another quarter, but it’s too late. Or people also call them shoot em ups, or shmups or something, those games where you fly a plane around the screen while trying not to explode. Anyways it’s kind of like that, but in the first person. Unfortunately this doesn’t actually work so well, even if it looks cool. And to top it off it’s not nearly as arousing as we all hoped.

Barrel goes where???

Drunken Robot Pornography is currently on sale for 50% off at $7.49. This is a little too much for what you’re getting. Especially when everybody knows you can just stream that stuff these days. Kidding! But seriously. Might be worth another look for a few less bucks but for now, Verdict: Skip it.


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