Tex Murphy: Compilation

First of all this isn’t really a compilation or even a collection because you have to buy the games one at a time. But they are so hilarious that they must be looked at as a whole. Tex Murphy was a series of adventure games from the late 80s and the early 90s. They probably required a supercomputer the size of a wall in order to run back in the day but now they can run on your toaster. And perhaps that’s where they belong, in the toaster. Let’s just start with some screens. It’s the only way this game can be analyzed.

First up is Tex Murphy: Mean Streets. Besides the fact that this looks like my Friday night, we need to look a little bit deeper at what the text is implying. Tex Avery was trying to sucker punch a woman. He was obviously drunk, but that doesn’t make it OK. Not only does he fail at this attempt but then he gets the crap beat out of him by her, a woman, with a horse-sized wallop. I’m sold already.

Next is Text Murphy: Martian Memorandum. Look at this woman’s outfit. If her name was Ashlee or Rylee or anything with two Es instead of Rhonda she could be an American Apparel model right this moment. Smokin hot for the 90s though and let’s be honest she holds up pretty well today. There’s a whole Ghostbusters floating above the bed kind of vibe going on. There is no Rhonda, only Zuul, you know what I mean? What is the saddle exactly that she is referring to? Is she talking about the bed? Or could she be referring to herself as a saddle? Either way that is some lewd innuendo. This just keeps getting better and better. Saddle up, baby!

Now we have Tex Murphy: Under a Killing Moon. This screen becomes interesting when you look at it from a different perspective. Ol’ Tex Murphy is actually the man in the reflection and he’s talking to himself. He looks like shit and he’s only two weeks away from retirement, only he’s got no money and no wife to go home to. Tyler Durden always said you have to hit bottom, right? Tex Murphy jumped out of a plane with no parachute into the Grand Canyon. So you could say he’s going to hit bottom alright. Here’s where the game shifted into FMV, or full motion video. Allow me to copy and paste this from Steam’s store page:

Experience the power of full motion video and sound!

An exhilarating fast paced interactive mystery Guaranteed to Entertain You! 

  • The FIRST EVER Multimedia Entertainment Product 
  • OVER 24 MEG. of Sound and Graphics Excitement compressed to just over 7 Meg. 
  • Fully Animated TALKING Characters 
  • INTRIGUING Story Line 
  • IN DEPTH Character Development 
  • On Demand HINT SCREENS 
  • Rich MUSICAL SCORE – Digitized Sound Effects 
  • Supports ALL Major Sound Boards 
  • The Most Vivid, LIFELIKE GRAPHICS Ever Seen 
  • A Humorous, Thrilling Adventure With A KNOCKOUT ENDING!

You can’t make that stuff up. 24 MEGS, COMPRESSED TO 7 MEG!

And finally we have Tex Murphy, The Pandora Detective. Speaking of a great gag, he’s making a poop joke. See, he was looking at fake poop but it turned out to be real! That’s actually a pretty good representation of what FMV is like today. It looks fake but actually it’s just real shit.

The Tex Murphy Collection is currently on sale at $2.99 per game. That’s 50% off. Maybe if it was every game for $2.99 it would be worth it. But probably not. Verdict: Skip it. But watch some videos and the trailers because you’re really doing yourself a comedic disservice if you don’t.

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