Mount & Blade: Warband Free Weekend

Mountain Blade: Warhand is basically exactly what it sounds like. You hop on a horse with a sword, or a Mount and Blade, and then you lead a band around terrorizing villagers or farmers or whoever gets in your way. Basically. The game begins by asking you a series of questions regarding your character. It also spends a few too many words explaining that apparently women back in the day had a much harder go at it then rich, noble men. Or noblemen, as it were. Well at least we know this is a fantasy game because everybody knows that’s not true. So after I began my RP as a Mongolian Poacher Hunter Prostitute on a quest for ultimate revenge, I fled for some kind of desert where I was immediately accosted by a drunk man looking for love. Looks like the game was right. It’s tough to be a lady in this world of ours.

Anyways, for a game that came out in 2010 this game seems much older. Both in a good and bad way. The graphics are pretty bad but pretty charming. The stats and equipment system is pretty robust. Not too complex, but it’s certainly not as dumbed down as other action RPGs. You have quite a few traits to worry about. Gameplay consists mostly of riding around on horseback murdering people with a bow and arrow while they chase after you on foot, throwing rocks. Seriously. It’s impossible for them to catch up and your horse will never tire. If you’re wondering why they are throwing rocks, it’s because you just marched into their town demanding crops, flashing skin, acting like hot shit, and then you got real angry, and that anger could only be taken out via horseback. So slash some legs!

If you’re just trying to get a feel for the combat you can go to town and join the tournament. This is exactly like dinner at Medieval Times. If you have never been, it is a place where you go and eat chicken with your hands and watch knights ride around on horses pretending to hit each other while narrowly missing. Sometimes people fall off of the horse. Well in Mount & Blade Warband your teammates and your enemies will never really hit each other. But they will spend lots of time charging into both the wall and the corner, for no apparent reason, until everyone gets stuck and then you can just stab everyone and you win.

Will Solaire ever find his sun?

Anyways Mount & Blade: Warband is free till tomorrow and it’s also 75% off for $4.99. It’s worth playing because it could be your thing. It’s also a pretty funny throwback PC game. Also on sale today is Rise of the Triad. It’s 80% off and $2.99.

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