Viscera Cleanup Detail

Have you ever wondered about the aftermath of Doom or Serious Sam or Duke Nukem or any of the number of games in which a lone man destroys an entire alien invasion? No? Me neither. But these guys over at RuneStorm did. Somebody’s gotta clean the mess, and that somebody is you. Look, I was a janitor one summer. I don’t want to go back to that life. And that’s why I can’t play Viscera Cleanup Detail without violent flashbacks and crippling bouts of PTSD. Not from the hundreds/thousands of innocent human lives wiped out by the alien menace, but moreso the hundreds/thousands of minutes I wasted on my life pretending to sweep cement. Granted I spent more time doing donuts in a golf cart than I did actual scrubbing of anything. But I did have to drive a tiny car that polished the floor, and that was pretty boring.

In Viscera Cleanup Detail you scrub the floors and the walls and whatever with your tentacle mop of justice. It’s a pretty good mop, to be fair. Something that a Shamwow-slinging Scout would be proud of. Olympic divers use it as a towel! You know the Germans make good stuff!

If you order now he’ll throw in an extra beating absolutely free!

There’s also a trashcan which you can carry around and put trash in. Yes, that’s right folks, you can pick up trash and put it in a trash can. Not since Half Life 2 have we been able to PICK UP TRASH AND PUT IT IN A TRASH CAN. Thank you Viscera Cleanup Detail, for the chance to relive the community service that I had to do one time that involved me picking up lots of beer cans and throwing them into a bag. That’s really what this game is. It’s not just a custodial arts simulator. It’s a real life simulator. Somebody else got to have all the fun and you know who gets to clean up? The person not invited to the damn party that’s who.

The physics is actually pretty funny in a Surgeon Simulator kind of a way, except maybe not quite as ridiculous. It doesn’t feel like you are wasted drunk so much as you are an alcoholic who hasn’t had quite enough Wild Turkey in his coffee so he’s still got the jitters while he’s working. You know what I mean? No? Ahem. Anyways, the whole game is pretty funny, and I guess that’s the point of it all. It also looks decent because of the Unreal 3 Engine which was probably a good choice for an alien genocide aftermath. Seriously though, that’s the gameplay. That’s it. There’s no aliens that will jump out at you whom you must beat to death with your mop. My sink is full of dishes that need power washing. I should probably deal with that before Viscera Cleanup Detail.

Pranksters!

This game is in Early Access which is usually a big turn off but it’s complete enough to play without being annoyed. You can also clean with your friends I guess. However it’s still a janitor simulator, and that’s either your thing or it’s not. Viscera Cleanup Detail is currently 40% off and $4.79. It’s hard to call this a deal but the devs say once the full version is released it will be more expensive. If you just want to mess around for awhile you might want to check out the murderous Santa version of this game called Viscera Cleanup Detail Santa’s Rampage. It’s only $1.49. But this one is a personal preference kind of a thing. Verdict: Skip it.

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