Steam Weeklong Deal: Secret of the Magic Crystal(s)

I’m not sure if this game is called Secret of the Magic Crystals like the logo says, or Secret of the Magic Crystal like it says in my Steam library, or if these are two completely different games. Quite frankly I don’t care. Buy the crystal. Buy all the magic crystals, and put their secrets on your horses to imbue them with wondrous powers. You can light your horse on fire! Try this one at home, kids. Find a magic crystal called a “matchbook” in your parents’ hardware drawer. And then strike the match and then put the magical flame onto the secret horse’s mane and see what happens! She can become magical too!

In this game you play a crazed professor who found some moonrocks that fell from the sky. This would probably classify them as meteors. Anyways, this professor found the meteors (or magic crystals) and started rubbing them on horses for some reason, and this caused the horses to catch fire. Then he tried to explain to his Anthropology class that this was a good thing and he was promptly expelled from the school. Note: this all actually happens in the intro video, which is only about 30 seconds long.

Choose your instruments of torture. To the right we have a syringe full of sulphiric acid and bowl for grinding bones. On the wall are various cutting implements, used for molding the hellspawn that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse ride in on. 

Your horse’s name is Blondene. This is not optional. It is fitting because the horse is blonde. It sounds kind of like a Pokemon which is fine because I think the target audience for Secret of the Magic Crystals is children. This is a kids game, or it is a game for crazy people. The problem is it is on Steam. What small child that loves horses is going to have Steam? I’m not sure. Possibly a calculation error. Anyways, gameplay consists mostly of rubbing your horse with a brush or a rock. Also, you can hit arrow keys to jump over small fences.

Anyways, Secret of the Magic Crystal is the Steam Weeklong Deal. It is 50% off and $2.49. You should buy this for one of your friends and make them play it. Or you can buy it for yourself if you are literally a crazy person.

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