JUST CAUSE 2: 2: Warner Bros. Publisher Weekend

I already covered Just Cause 2 a long long time ago when it was 80% off and nothing has changed. Check it out here. If you didn’t buy it then buy it NOW. The original Verdict: Buy it still remains. 

Anyways, there is also a Warner Bros Publisher weekend. If you’re like me you might think of the Warner Bros as a cartoon studio. Most likely involving some combination of Bugs Bunny and/or the Animaniacs. Also, the studio is located in Toontown and they are frequently made the subject of prejudice by an exploitative human hierarchy. Well that’s all wrong, because Warner Bros also publishes games apparently, and lots of them are on sale, except for the two featured ones, Gauntlet and Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor. Which is a damn shame because Gauntlet is badass and due for a remake. Plus that Valkyrie is totally smokin’.

Something about wings and/or breasts, etc.

Look at those high heeled boots. Hilarious! If this came out now people would totally lose it on Twitter. They just don’t get that if you kick ass while also being scantily clad it’s twice as impressive. Am I wrong? Hello?

Let’s look at the games, because Gauntlet is out because it’s not on sale. The top five options are, in order of how they are listed on the sale page, are:

  • Batman: Arkham Whatever
  • Scribblenauts UNLIMITED
  • F.E.A.R.
  • Bastion
  • Mortal Kombat vs. Scooby Doo! and Looney Tunes Cartoon Universe: Adventure
This a pretty varied selection of games, and you’re bound to find something you’re interested in in this bunch. Apparently WB Games does make some good stuff but they only release something basically every 3 years. Anyways, let’s break it down. Batman is pretty fun if you like trampsing around a city in your underwear beating up criminals. Scribblenauts Unlimited is pretty fun if you like pretending to tramps around in your underwear beating up criminals with silly objects. F.E.A.R. was awesome back in the day and somehow scary while providing one of the first FPS experiences with Bullet Time But you need at least an x850 xt to run it. In Bastion you run around in a painting and smack people with a hammer. 
But we all know where this was heading, Mortal Kombat vs. Scooby Doo! and Looney Tunes Cartoon Universe: Adventure. If you ever wanted to know who would win a fight between Shaggy and Scorpion, or if Fred could take down Mileena (she’s a maneater but that ascot would melt a heart of coal), now you can! It’s not even close. Winner: Mortal Kombat vs. Scooby Doo! and Looney Tunes Cartoon Universe: Adventure.

Deus Ex Human Revolution

Deus Ex Human Revolution: Director’s Cut was the Steam Daily Deal back in March or something and I wrote about it then, things haven’t changed too much. Check it out. Even the price is the same, $4.99. I like cyberpunk and I like FPS RPGs but something about the way this game plays doesn’t sit right with me. I prefer EYE Divine Cybermancy for it’s god awful 99 cent scifi paperback story French voice acting that I can’t even understand and the ridiculous cyber medieval setting. I don’t much like the sneakin and I don’t much like the shootin in Deus Ex Human Revolution Director’s Cut but I definitely think I’m the minority when it comes to that believe.

In case you forgot, you play as an Oakley-sunglasses wearing IT specialist named Adam Jensen, who gets a radioactive robot wang or something that he has to use to repopulate the future by making love to cyborg women. Just kidding, the game is actually about an Oakley-sunglasses wearing IT specialist named Adam Jensen who decides to fulfill his dream of becoming arm wrestling champion of the world while simultaneously winning back the heart of of his estranged son, and in order to do so he gets an unbeatable, radioactive robot super arm. Just kidding, you actually play as an Oakley-sunglasses wearing IT specialist named Adam Jensen who one morning gets a strange message on his computer telling him to follow the white rabbit, and he does and finds a sexy kung fu-wielding elite hacker who opens his mind to the fraud of the world around him, the fraud being that the world we all live in is actually a computer program and the real world is a miserable place where robots raise humans for food.

Jensen displaying the flight augmentation

If you like the color orange and semi-interesting ethical/philosophical dilemmas regarding the positives and negatives of mechanical dongs, Deus Ex Human Revolution Director’s Cut is the game for you. Otherwise, the Verdict: skip it.

Natural Selection 2

Maybe you played the original Natural Selection back at the day, possibly in some dank, smelly, cyber cafe, knocking back Dew after Dew in between spawns. But you probably wanted to play CS but nobody else wanted to play CS and instead everybody was playing some weird game about Darwinian theory. Or maybe that never happened at all and Natural Selection II is just another cool looking Source mod. Well it is pretty cool. Natural Selection II is one of those multiplayer FPS games that is more about strategy than it is about skill. But you still have to be skillful in your strategy. If that makes any sense.

The game pits players against each other as humans versus the zerg, or aliens from some other planet, who knows. In the beginning, the humans have an advantage over the zerg team, as they are weak and die quickly to gunfire. However, the alien players have an easier time ambushing people so they can take down unaware players pretty quickly when given the right opportunity. It’s all about taking advantage of the right situations in this game. If as a tiny, puny zergling you attempt a full frontal assault you will get destroyed. As you get kills you can evolve into more interesting, more deadly creatures, and the game gets more fun. If you stayed a zergling the whole time the game would not be as fun, but it gets pretty exciting as you move up the evolutionary chain. Imagine going on killstreaks in the Modern Warfare games except instead of calling down airstrikes you can morph into an Ultralisk and stomp people into the ground instead.

everyone starts as a vagina dentata

 Natural Selection II is pretty fun once you get going, but there is definitely a learning curve. If you can’t figure out how to kill people to move up the evolutionary chain then it can become more frustrating than anything else. Natural Selection II is currently on sale for 75% off at $6.24. I wish it was a little bit cheaper, but if you like team based multiplayer gameplay featuring aliens and lots of biting you can’t really go wrong here. Verdict: Buy it.

Monaco

Monaco has been the Steam Daily Deal before. But back then it was part of a free weekend. A free weekend is the best thing for a game like Monaco- you can play it for a few hours, get in and have some fun, and then never touch it again. Which is really indicative of what Monaco is: you get in, steal some stuff, get out, and then never look back. That’s not to say that there isn’t replay value in Monaco because there is. But it may or may not sink its hooks into you.

There are a few things that have changed from my last writeup but core gameplay remains unchanged. There have been two updates. One that introduces PvP called The Architect’s Patch, which is the Architect from the Matrix movies. The other update is called Monaco’s Final Campaign: Fin. We ca assume that Fin adds a new class to play as, a super smart, highly evolved, cybernetic dolphin that can survive on land through its use of bipedal robot legs. Also, the dolphin communicates with it’s mind because it lacks the vocal cords of a human. Also, Fin can travel through time, which can be advantageous in a heist situation. As you would probably imagine, Fin uses this ability to get more gold when other players are unable to. Some people will probably complain that Fin is overpowered, but he is so unanimously fun to play that he will never be nerfed.

It’s like trying to find the bathroom in a department store when you really have to pee

Anyways, Monaco: What’s Yours is Mine is currently on sale at 75% off for $3.74. It is best experience with friends, or online with strangers who you can totally dick over. Or possibly some combination of both. If you like frenetic, fast paced multiplayer action with an emphasis on stealth and/or sprinting around than you will most likely enjoy Monaco. If you hate teamwork and you would rather shoot than run, Monaco might not be for you. Verdict: Buy it.

Terraria

Terraria is a game that looks kind of like Minecraft, and it plays kind of like Minecraft, but also it’s in 2D. Also a lot of people will get upset if you tell them that Terraria is Minecraft in 2D, and some other people will tell you Minecraft is more complicated. The point is there are staunch supporters of both games. Rabid fans, if you will. Just take one look at YouTube. People love both these games. The difference is Minecraft isn’t on Steam yet. If you type ‘Minecraft’ into Steam search the first thing that comes up is 7 Days to Die, which must be what happens if you play that game for 7 days straight.

Anyways, Terraria allows you to build and build like Minecraft, although you only have to think in two dimensions so it’s probably a little bit easier. I never could figure out how to build anything cool with Legos that wasn’t just a big square. It was just too complex. But in 2D anything is possible. But the biggest difference between Terraria and Minecraft isn’t the building. It is the exploration. Exploring is certainly possible in Minecraft. But you can go in any direction in Terraria basically forever. Up, down, left, right, (hold A and press start) and you will find wildly different territories. Dig down under to a fiery Hell full of lava or become Jack from Jack and the Beanstalk and find a city in the clouds. And then when you’re in that city in the clouds become best friends with Lando Calrissian, only to be betrayed by him in exchange for the safety of said Cloud City, and then eventually Lando will regain your trust by piloting your ship in a massive space battle surrounding the new, super Death Star. Then, you can party in the forest with teddy bears.

It’s like if you mixed freeform jazz and castlevania except not like that at all

Also, there’s fighting. Basically, if you like Minecraft then you would probably like this game. If you hate the idea of crafting then Terraria will probably not change your mind. But if you are scared of crafting and building and pixels, but at the same time you like exploration, it might actually bring you over to the dark side. Exploration in 2D can be fun too. Plus it’s cheap. Terraria is currently on sale for 80% off. It is $1.99. Verdict: Buy it.